I had a great plan when I left Seward a couple of weeks ago. Get away, spend some time with my best friend. Read and write, get some perspective, and figure out what to do about work and the rest of my life.
Then Brandon Cavanaugh invited me to write for Husker Locker, an opportunity that seemed to be God’s way of saying to me, “Derek, you may drive around the plains, but you aren’t going to find any great revelation out there. Care to check My Word?” I was mulling going to New York. Hiding among the buildings, window shopping, hitting the best museums, not to mention the coffee and the food, but still, I get pulled back here.
A long time ago, I thought going off into the world and finding some kind of enlightenment. And travel can bred good perspective (as Eirinn so exemplifies) but my place is here, in Nebraska. I can’t really explain why. An artist like me would probably do better in New York or San Francisco; I’ve thought about going back to school at other places. But I’m convinced that this is where God wants me to be, and come fall, I’m going to give myself as much as I can to writing for Husker Locker.
When I graduated college and forgo grad school and seminary, I moved back home and expected to “find myself”. Instead, I spent many days playing video games and filling my life with Lost and 24 reruns, high drama as I thought of it then. And I traveled, and eventually, I began to work for the company. The only thing I learned from that mass of space in my head was that I had to commit to something if I want to go anywhere in life. The only time I came to believe I was worth more than what I had was the fall of 2010, when I handled several long weeks of tests without much of a break. It was the best accomplishment I had since I received a 98.2% in second semester beginning Greek, my freshmen year in college.
Recently, I heard a sermon by President Harrison that enlightened me to how God can work. Sometimes, he preached, we pray to God for a different place in life when we’re not content where we’re at. Hearing that, I know that, while Seward may not always be my cup of tea and there is a legitimate chance I may end up living here my whole life (horror of horrors), it’s comforting being here in this humble position (“Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation”[James 1:9 ESV]), knowing that God controls everything.
In way, I needed to be humbled after college. I got great grades, and thought I didn’t need other people, an assumption that proved miserably untrue. Maybe I needed to learn that I treating people like crap wasn’t what God wanted me to do, and before I could accept certain things with gratitude I needed to go to a lower place. Thanks be to God.